Unveiling Empathy: Exploring the Power of Kindness in My Upcoming Project

... and some exclusive morsels from our much loved ICC Sessions.

I'm back, like magic (as I never even left). Yes, away from these platforms, there I was still living life, capturing the abundance of our summer(?), spreading the love, making moves while eternally sleep deprived, and preparing for my youngest to join her older sibling at school, among other things. Suddenly, I was inspired to get back online with you. So here we are. Thanks for joining me and here are some musings for you about one of my faves - empathy:

unity through empathy

Some people say empathy is unobtainable. I offer that we would be in a dire state of existence if it were the case. The key is not to think of it in binary terms. Arguably, the key to a life led by reason is to do the same (unless you’re a coder, then it’s ride or die for those zeros and ones). At the very least, empathy is something we may aspire to utilise. There is much value in one’s intention.

So, what is it, this empathy thing? Empathy is the ability, and I offer, the want or need, to connect with others. It can manifest in several ways, including thinking or feeling the way someone else might be. Also, attempting to consider, or embody what they might be experiencing. Of course, the extent to which we can do so is dependent on many differentiating factors because *fanfare* we are all so different. However, there is a universality that enables us to be empathetic even when we have never experienced what someone else has. The ability to empathise is like a superpower. I would bet the most chilled people you know actively utilise empathy, whether they are aware of it or not (the mindful among us usually are well-aware of it, by the way).

It’s enigmatic that a skill we don’t spend much time contemplating is one as purposeful as this. Let’s dive into the three kinds of empathy and see if you can consider the role it has to play in improving aspects of your life:

Cognitive Empathy is the cerebral leader. We experience it when connecting with others on points of fact. In my sessions I have rinsed certain analogies to death and resurrection, so I’ll give you a fresh one. Actually, this is the antithesis of cognitive empathy – what not to do, though many of us do it. I usually try positive reinforcement, but this can work. This little tale is for anyone who has ever been in a rush.

People hustle and bustle around cities like ants, all caught up with how important their journey/ goals/ aims/ problems are. Everyone. Every. Single. Person (at some point, and if not all, the many – I see the irony of such a blanket statement when bellowing the failings of generality, but for this example, humour me). If you’re a city dweller, you know the agitation of the ant-people, even if slight, when you’re being pushed and shoved on a train, or (much worse for the righteous among us) when some seemingly arrogant little shit sails past everyone waiting to the side of a train door so passengers can alight, inciting silent grumbles and in some cases, hardcore cuss outs or passive aggressive ‘thanks for giving me a chance to get off’s’.

In such moments, what if I told you utilising empathy could help make the annoyance fizzle away. There may be the odd time when their stankness registers, but for the most part, such people simply won’t exist to you. After all, in such instances, it is you who chooses to fixate on the irritant- people aren't allergic to each other. We’re constantly deciding how much emotional space we’ll allow others to occupy. Using empathy to counter what can become instinctive, destructive fixations is what enables you to process your world more healthily, without the additional weight of the often-debilitating strain of sustained anger, annoyance and frustration.

Because of this, empathy is like the never-ending gob-stopping gift that keeps on giving. In our world of distractions that take us from ourselves and others, we need it. You need it to stay grounded and reasonable. You need it to afford a lens through which to view it all: yourself, others, and as much of the world at large as you know. This does not mean people get away with taking advantage of you. It doesn’t mean you don’t call them on their bullshit. It just means that your head is in a different space when doing so. That counts for everything because it centers the control and accountability within you – isn’t that ultimately where it belongs?

Neurodiversity is such that your ability to engage with this might differ drastically from others. Throw neurodivergence into the mix and we’re talking a whole different spectrum, literally. But something seemingly small as the recognition of even just this point of difference between individuals, and the framework by which we all live shifts. Terminology moves from ‘toleration’ to ‘accommodation’, support, respect and understanding. It helps us to be kinder, and more patient. That is only ever good.

Emotional Empathy is when we think or feel what someone else might be thinking or feeling, or at least we try to connect in this way. A beautiful manifestation of the innate want and need for connection is evidenced in mirroring. Here, we see us posture as others around us would. There is the age-old kids in the classroom with their chins resting in their hands, the circle of colleagues or friends cross-legged or with folded armed. Further, it can be found in the tone of voice. People mimic intonation, speech flow, and pitch. They might exclaim similarly as, of course, we won’t all mirror in the same way. We experience a range of physicality, including visual and audio experience, and so mirroring occurs in just the same way. It is us reflecting us. Where, for example, movement is within a narrow scope, mirroring might be more clearly demonstrated verbally.

Think of that for a minute. Despite all the scourge pumped into you attempting to frame you and others in a very particular light, within usually extremely rigid parameters, the humran in you reaches into your base instinct and says, ‘fuck the system, let’s just be’.

Last but not least, on my roster for focus, is compassionate empathy. This is an amalgamation of sort of the first two. We experience the thoughts or feelings of another – engaging in either emotional, cognitive empathy or both. As compassion is integral, we are here moved to act; to attempt a resolution of the situation that may be causing our fellow human pain or affliction. I liken it to ally mode. It is powerful. How many moves have humans made, positive an otherwise, because of compassionate empathy I wonder.

We are aware of so much today, well as much as we choose, or that our world views afford us, so when I say ‘we’ I speak of the potentiality of us. For those who are hyper aware of the extent of f**kery in the world, to be armed with the ability to commune with others in a way that helps effectively communicate these ills and explore ways to address them is especially useful. It is also vital for us to hone a resilience whereby we can leave the emotional impacts of such interactions unscathed.

The chances are you engage in all three types more often than you realise. Doing so through automaton is #lifegoals but it’s also important to be mindful of this practice. As with any practice, it takes repetition, trial and error and acceptance. Acceptance of when it doesn’t go according to plan; when it doesn’t work and you just want to cuss someone out. Those moments are fine. We are human and perfectly fallible, remember. It’s about the management of the resistance and what we do moving forward. What we choose to do.

What will you choose from one moment to another; one thought to the next; one subconscious decision or opinion to its manifestation in action?

Love and Light.