I do not have all the answers.
No, I don’t. I have some good ones, sure. Some that work for many, a lot of the time, others that work for a few. But I don’t even have all the answers for myself all the time, so how could I possibly have them for everyone else?
Lately, though, I’ve found myself in a space—one that feels less strange the more I think about it—where I’m gradually focusing more on what truly matters. A little cliche? Maybe. Absolutely vital for me? Definitely. As a result, I’m letting go of things that don’t matter. In conversations with my husband and close friends, I’m realising that much of what weighs me down stems from external expectations or things I’ve convinced myself I want or need. The more I question those wants—whether it’s a bigger house or a certain lifestyle—the more I see that some of them are no longer aligned with who I am.
Take the house, for example. Sure, we live in a small space, and we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff (it's not even that much really, more like a little too much for what we’re working with right now, however, I’ve bossed decluttering recently, so bigging up myself for that). Still, a bigger house would be nice, and it’s a reasonable goal. I also miss hosting big gatherings. But those I invite into my home cannot be the ones who can only enjoy it if it’s ‘perfect.’ If they can’t sit comfortably on whatever surface is available and just enjoy the company, maybe they’re not the people to share the love in our home. Maybe I just need to let my ego rest and have everyone over anyway—we’ll cope!
I spend time exploring so many things I love—creativity, writing, learning approaches, coaching, optimisation, emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and more—and it’s all enjoyable. Until, that is, I try to integrate everything at once! There’s wisdom in taking an incremental approach, but if I overconsume without actively letting go of what’s not for me right now, it all becomes overwhelming.
There’s no shortage of advice from people who have done a version of what I want to do. And yes, it makes sense to follow their lead to some extent. But ultimately, I need to shape their advice to fit my life and my values. They are not me, I am not them. I simply need to Bruce Lee it: “absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely [my] own”. This is easier to do as I become increasingly surer about what doesn't light me up and I don't want to spend time on.
Take social media, for example. I just can’t do it like some others do. I can be in for a while, then tap out and as far as the online world would be concerned, Sonia is now a ghost. I want to engage when it feels right and then step away when my energy is better spent elsewhere. And you know what? That’s fine. Sure, I might reach more coaching clients by being more active online, but if I’m not feeling it, it’s not for me. Plus, meanwhile in my day to day, I’m having interactions that are making a difference and doing work that does as well.
I’m at a stage where I want to do what serves me, and I’m getting better at recognising what that is. There’s some pushback from the world around me, but ultimately, it’s on me to filter it out.
What really matters to me? Working from home as much as possible. I’ve built my life so that I’m fortunate enough to do that. I have young children, and I want to be present for them. I don’t need to be physically in all the spaces I facilitate, and often it’s more sustainable for clients and collaborators for me not to be. I enjoy the energy of the city, but I love the peace of the countryside more—the wide skies and fresh air. It’s a beautiful thing. I get to alternate between these energies – blessed!
Working with people matters, too. Whether I’m in a group session with young adults or older folks, if I leave feeling like a meaningful exchange happened, that fills me up. Coaching is another love of mine. There’s nothing quite like helping someone find their own answers and seeing them progress. That’s real.
Abundant time matters to me. I create this through the parts of my work that I love, but also through personal time—laughing with my family, making things. I’m such a maker—stories, texts, paintings, even lampshades! I tried pottery for my birthday this year. It’s an expensive hobby, but it gave me life, and I’ll definitely do it again. Time with loved ones, socialising, being there for a friend – that's all abundant time for me. Oh, and nothing. Chilling, resting, with no appointments or things I feel I ‘need to do’ is levels people!
Being organised matters, though it’s always a work in progress. There’s always something to refine, but I remind myself that chipping away at it is enough. I have the tools and use many in automaton. Things get done, usually well, and life keeps moving. I guess the moment there’s nothing left to organise is when I should start worrying! My life is full, and it’s well-lived. What more can I ask for? Anything else I think I want, I’ll do—if not, I didn’t want it badly enough, did I?
It’s easy to get caught up in perfectionism, even for me. But I’ve let go of much of that, and becoming more conscious of my own patterns of energy and behaviour helps. Sometimes we’re in environments that push us to act against our nature, and that can be both positive and negative. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What works at one point may not at another, so taking control of what we can is key.
I think there’s so much we do that we don’t want to. And I’m tired of that. I’m trying to minimise it, and it feels freeing. I invite you to consider doing the same. Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but this is working for me right now. I’m in a season of authenticity, and it feels good.
So, what’s your authenticity drawing you to? What are you doing that you could let go of with little impact? I think it’s worth your time to reflect on that. And I hope you have enough love within and around you to flow through your own seasons. All we can do is our best, in line with what we truly want and need.
Where are your wants and needs coming from?
Till next time, love and luminosity to you all.
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